bad cover version of a blog.

With the state of world right now too many things have become far too cumbersome to bear. Global famine, the Middle East, the dawning of yet another recession, and even more current, the initiation to divide the Antarctic between surrounding countries. With these problems and so many more surrounding our everyday lives, the media has given us one desperate escape we truly need … the massacre of all the art forms we've grown to love with their incessant remakes. Arguably the worst of these 'revisions' is the cover song.

A cover song is about the fashion equivalent to a pleather jacket; they're easy to acquire, they look good to the average man and even the person wearing it knows how bad it is, but just hope nobody says anything – in other words they're about as entertaining as a Dane Cook punchline. However, there are quite a few covers that are well done. Sometimes too well done.

From a live aspect, cover tracks are great. Going to see an act that covers a tune well is exciting, and an unexpected change from the set you've prepared yourself to hear - but to release a cover track for capital gain as a single, that's just sad. That has about the same integrity as an AIG exec. But I don’t want to talk about those just yet - that's the next installment. So here's a look at some of the worst trash the dreaded cover track has to offer. Some I’ve missed, some I may be too harsh or too dumb but either way here you are. (In no particular order)

Celine Dion & Anastasia >> You Shook Me All Night Long (AC/DC)
Obviously.

Counting Crows >> Big Yellow Taxi (Joni Mitchell)
I’m unsure what goes on at a band meeting when someone actually would suggest remaking an already shitty Joni Mitchell tune. That’s like the guy who shows up at the office and says ‘Listen, I’ve got this million dollar idea, they’re called shrimp flavored potato chips and they taste exactly how they sound!” And that, my friends, is the very definition of ‘the end of your rope’.

Limp Bizkit >> Behind Blue Eyes (the Who)
Haha. We saw them play this track while opening for Metallica at the Skydome years ago. Fred Durst put down the flamethrower he was carrying (no kidding) and started crooning the ladies in the audience by climbing into the stands. It was awesomely funny.

John Mayer >> Kid A (Radiohead)
That John Mayer is just a little sweetheart to any soccer mom that will listen .. oh wait, every soccer mom listens to John Mayer - Anyway, listen John, someone should have mentioned it before, Radiohead doesn’t even pick up chicks with that tune. Better late than never though.

Madonna >> American Pie (Don McLean)
Dear Madonna, this shit wouldn’t fly when you were awesome in the 80s, it ain’t going to work now.

Hilary Duff >> My Generation (the Who)
Your generation is pre-teens Hilary and lucky for you, they don’t yet understand you’re brutal.

Presidents of the U.S.A. >> Video Killed the Radio Star (the Buggles)
We all owned a copy of the bands debut album but for their follow up (entitled II) the first single was this terrible cover of an already terrible song … and now they all sell peaches from a can (in a factory downtown).

Sheryl Crow >> Sweet Child O’ Mine (Guns N’ Roses)
This weasel was nominated for a grammy after covering this song. So later she would opt to next destroy Cat Stevens 1967 hit, “the First Cut is the Deepest”. In an ironic twist, more recently, Crow is pushing forth a motion to congress demanding that she and other musicians collect royalties whenever their songs are played on the radio and other sources. Luckily for her, I’m sure Yusuf Islam doesn’t care too much about her cashing in on his tunes. Axel on the other hand …

Coheed and Cambria >> Sister Christian (Night Ranger)
Maybe I’m a little harsh on this one because, um … Coheed and Cambria are terrible – yeah, I said it and it had to be said.

Aerosmith >> Come Together (the Beatles)
I’ve vented about this track for the last 15 years of my life. I don’t have anything more to say about it.

Marilyn Manson >> Personal Jesus (Depeche Mode)
Manson first got his big break remaking the 1983 tune “Sweet Dreams” by the Eurythmics, so naturally in 2004 when his career starts to hit the skids, he goes back to the safe bet – butchering a classic.

The Ataris >> Boys of Summer (Don Henley)
To remake and awful song to begin with, you’ve already doomed yourself to failure, oh yeah and you’re the Ataris, so you’re already doomed for failure.

DJ Sammy >> Heaven (Bryan Adams)
Nobody can remake a B.A. tune. Nobody.

Mike and the Flower Pops >> Wonderwall (Oasis)
Mike and his flower pops absolutely stripped the song of all emotion and passion, they made it into a campy 50’s style love ballad - which might have worked a bit better if the Oasis version wasn’t still of the charts.

I’m going to group these ones together because, I just get so angry at how bad these tracks are I can’t type .. and what little wit I have I already used up. So let’s just leave it at they’re dogshit:

Goo Goo Dolls >> Give a Little Bit (Supertramp)
Ozzy Osborne >> Rocky Mountain Way (Joe Walsh)
Evanscence >> Heart Shaped Box (Nirvana)

* hip hop remix is a hard one to classify. They may reuse the same hook but rarely use the same lyrics – but believe me there are a ridiculous amount of terrible remix/cover tracks in hip hop (ie. Puff Daddy covering Kashmir by Led Zeppelin and any Kanye West song past 2001.). That’ll have to be a segment in it self.